NORIAS, Texas - Where is the best place to sleep outdoors in Texas? One would think it would not be actually "on" a set of train tracks, but apparently several illegal aliens and homeless people had that exact idea. The belief is that poisonous snakes will not cross over the tracks. Six alleged illegal aliens were hiding from the reptiles one night when a
freight train passed through the area. Spokeswoman for the Border Control Letty Garza said, "The train crew saw some debris on the tracks. The next split-second they saw heads raise up, and then six people were killed instantly." On the plus side, no snake bites were discovered on the bodies.
RUSSIA - A 30-year-old Russian couple will think twice from now on before having "sausage" with their pancakes. The woman was evidentially performing oral sex on her boyfriend while he was frying pancakes in their kitchen. The tragedy occurred when he dropped the cast-iron pan on her head. The intense pain caused her to involuntarily grit her teeth. As a result, the man is being treated for severe bite wounds on his penis, while his partner suffered a concussion.
HAMBURG, New York - It is generally not a good idea to call a fire chief if you're an arsonist and have just started a fire. Nichols Breidenstein did just that after allegedly setting fire to a shop in Hamburg, New York. After the deed he tried to call a friend to boast about it, but accidentally dialed local fire chief Michael Guadango instead. According
to Guadango he heard Breidenstein say, "Dude, it's lit. The whole corner's going." It wasn't until then that he realized had just incriminated himself and is now facing arson charges.
GREENSBORO, North Carolina - Walter Andrew Everhart, 36, conveniently claims he does not recall urinating in an aisle during an airline flight. Everhart simultaneously took pain killers and drank alcohol, which supposedly caused him to black out. A federal judge sentenced him to 19 months jail time for urinating and starting fights with other passengers. Apparently Everhart also kicked the seat of a pregnant woman. The act was so violent that it threw her from the seat. The defendant does not remember this either. According to witnesses, it took half a dozen police officers to restrain him.
LOCH NESS, Scotland - It seems that the mythical Loch Ness Monster is not the only thing to be leery of in Scotland. Postman Phil Rose was pinned to the ground by a 196 pound sex-starved Newfoundland dog named Bruno. Rose, who is only 154 pounds himself, was attacked by the amorous pooch while making a delivery to the Lock Inn pub. Bruno's owner, James MacLennan, witnessed the "attack" from an upstairs window, but said he was laughing too much to rescue him. "Before Phil could get up, Bruno was on top of him, his legs wrapped round him, furiously licking his face - and a good bit more besides," laughed MacLennan. About 10 minutes later he managed to get the pooch off him and sped off in his van. "I must really try and get Bruno a girlfriend," MacLennan concluded.
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