In the Birmingham Sunday Newspaper (7th Jan 2001): Management of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend. His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. "He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself." A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died. You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally. And the moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.

Warning label for Food Processor: "Do not use for anything else!"

WASHINGTON - Who would have ever thought that undergoing treatment for chronic back pain could be such an orgasmic experience. But a female patient of North Carolina surgeon Stuart Meloy certainly changed her tune as she received an orgasm while the doctor placed pain-relieving electrodes in her spine. The patient was reportedly conscious throughout the operation so she could help him find the right spot, but when she started shouting it was for all the wrong reasons. She then told Meloy, "You'll have to teach my husband to do that." The good doctor is going above and beyond that step by working on a hand held remote control device that will be able to trigger an orgasm at the push of a button. The only drawback, according to Meloy, is that the device is as invasive as a pacemaker and should only be used for extreme cases."

COLOMBIA - A wad of dough was obviously not too hard for a Colombian man to swallow. Alejandro Londono, 25, was arrested for money laundering at an airport in the western city of Pereira after allegedly swallowing $40,000 and trying to smuggle it into the country. Apparently Londono packed the cash inside fingers cut from latex surgical gloves, each of which contained notes of eight denominations, and swallowed them.

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