WASHINGTON, Jan 23 - Occupants of many White House offices may find it impossible to type President George W. Bush's name -- because dozens of computers are missing their "w" key. In what may be a practical joke by departing aides to former president Bill Clinton, Bush staffers have found the "w" missing in many White House keyboards.

Lewis, Did you know that the largest waffle ever made was in 1986 in Chicago? It measured over 3,000 square feet! Also, the original name of Guns N Roses was Guns N' Waffles.

All of the victims of cranium invasion can finally put their minds at ease. A non-commercial internet site has devoted its time and effort to developing a beanie that can stop a person from having his or her brain invaded. The product is an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB), which reportedly is a type of head-wear that can shield your brain from most electro-magnetic psychotronic mind-control carriers. The site provides plans and photographs on how to make a beanie, entirely from foil, that wards off mind-control signals.

JAY COUNTY, Indiana - A 19-year-old Indiana man entered a "Face-Off" with a loaded firearm and lost. After having apparent trouble firing the gun, Gregory David Pryor decided to look down the barrel to find the source of the problem. Apparently it was just a user error, because the gun fired and shot him in the face.

A mugger could have been suffering from "optical delusions" that stolen glasses made him better in bed. Police arrested the man after he mugged a stranger on the street and stole his spectacles. According to his wife, the only way he could become aroused was when he wore a freshly-stolen pair of glasses. She says he would return from walks with a pair of stolen glasses and insist she wore her usual pair. Police reportedly found more than 50 pairs of expensive designer glasses in his flat.

A man who severed his left arm at the elbow with a guillotine he constructed from plans found on the Internet has refused to have the limb reattached, police said on Thursday. "Doctors were going to reattach the arm but he refused and told them if they did, he would cut it off again and sue them," Milwaukee Police spokeswoman Karen Pride Garvin said. Thomas Rollo, 53, appeared calm when police arrived on Tuesday as he received treatment from paramedics. He initially told officers he accidentally severed his left arm with tools while working in his garage. But police found the guillotine along with Rollo's severed left arm in a plastic bag in a refrigerator, and he admitted to building the homemade amputation device from plans he found on the Internet. Police said Rollo is undergoing psychological testing.

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