PUERTO RICO - A group of stranded boating victims made the b(r)e(a)st of a bad situation. Young mother Elena Mercedes managed to keep the crew afloat, so to speak, when they ran out of food by having each person suckle milk from her breasts. Each sucked Mercedes's breasts for just a few seconds a day, while she was fed by mouth by her sister. The group made the journey in the hope of finding work in Puerto Rico, but their wooden boat's compass broke and they drifted back to shore after 12 days. All passengers are said to be doing fine, although Mercedes apparently hasn't been able to breastfeed since the ordeal.

WALL TOWNSHIP, NJ - Kyle Connor is perfectly willing to report for jury duty. But he'd have to ask his mom for a ride and get his teacher to excuse him from elementary school. Connor is 8 years old. What's even more bizarre is that this is the second time he has been asked to report for jury duty! The first was when he was 5. Court officials said Connor probably was flagged *twice* by computers that compile lists of potential jurors and track, among other things, recipients of dividend and interest payments. He was excused from appearing but Kyle says, "I'd just like to try it."

ELIZABETH, IN - The only thing missing from this twisted tale is a creepy motel and a good director. Relatives began making inquiries after not hearing from Myrtle Petrie for several years. The ensuing investigation led police to discover the elderly woman's bones still in the chair where she had passed away. Petrie's son, distraught over having to arrange his mother's funeral, simply covered the body with some bedding and left her for five years. The deputy coroner concluded that there was no trauma to the body. The son has been placed in the custody of adult welfare officials for a mental health assessment.

A lady in Los Angeles, California weighed in at a whopping 450 lbs! She thought she lost her wedding band down the sink forever only to find it in her belly button 5 years later!

"After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds legally changed his name to "Yorkshire Bank are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name."

Here is further proof that people will try to sell anything on the internet. Adam Burtle from Seattle put his soul up for auction on the trading website eBay. The 20-year-old received bids ranging from $6.66 from an ex-girlfriend to a top bid of $400. The sale listing has since been removed from the site, because according to eBay spokesman Kevin Pursglove, "You have to have a piece of merchandise that a seller can deliver to a buyer." Items previously put up for auction include organs, drugs and even a person's virginity.

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