SPAIN - Not many fishermen would expect to haul in a wild boar after casting their nets 3 miles out at sea. But that is just what happened to a group of fishermen in Spain. No one knows how the wild pig managed to end up so far out at sea, or how it managed to survive for so long. The boar will reportedly be released into the wild near their home port of Tarragona as soon as it has recovered fully from its ordeal.

London, England - All of London is aghast at a new study that revealed that people who believe they have been abducted by aliens exhibit 5 times higher rates of ESP. Some in the UFO community have said this proves that the implants that aliens leave inside the abductees turn them into human receivers.

These names of authors are completely genuine and have been corroborated in the catalogues of the British Library and in the American National Union Catalog, as well as other authoritative sources.
Ole Bagger
Stanka Fuckar
Gottfried Egg
Dr F.P.H. Prick van Wily
Baron Filibarto Vagina d'Emarese
A. Schytte
Mme J.J. Fouqueau de Pussy
Simon Young-Suck Moon
Tit Wing Lo

BETHLEHEM, Pennsylvania - Those nasty work-place amputations can really hurt. Just ask 25-year-old William Bartron. Last week Bartron severed his hand clean off while working with a miter saw in a friend's basement. Apparently the pain was so terrible that he tried to end his torment with a pneumatic nail gun. When he was finally found Bartron had at least a dozen 1-inch nails protruding from his head. Miraculously he survived. He underwent emergency surgery to reattach the hand and was last reported in stable condition.

CONSHOHOCKEN, Pennsylvania - A truck driver's plan to steal a truckload of toilet paper went down the drain when the tractor-trailer flipped onto its side during a pursuit by police. After the wreck, Ernie Myers reportedly fled to a patch of nearby woods and was soon apprehended as news cameras in a helicopter above videotaped the whole thing. Myers reportedly carried out another theft of a toilet paper filled tractor-trailer from the same freight yard a month earlier and was seen trying to sell the stolen paper on the streets.

TEXARKANA, Arkansas - "Opps" followed by a few other choice words were probably the expressions used by a demolition crew after realizing they accidentally knocked down the wrong house. Johnny Mack Richardson, of Richardson Environmental and Excavating Services in Texarkana, Arkansas, told reporters that they had been sitting on the street when they made a call to City Hall asking if they had the right house. "They asked us if there were trees covering it up, and we said yes. They said: Then you're at the right place." Richard concluded by saying, "Evidently there were two houses that were covered by trees."

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